Nobody said it was easy
Have you ever had to hold your tears and stop yourself from crying? I have. Many times before. Last Friday's was probably the hardest.
So he's a man in his early 60s, sitting there while receiving his chemo treatment. His wife was flipping through a magazine in front of him. I approached him, talked to him, about his cancer and the treatment he is receiving. Before I approached him, I had a read on his note and came to know that he won't be around that long (God knows) but at that point of time, I feel pity for him, but nothing too heavy.
So we talked and talked, he is a lovely man. From the sound of his accent, I'm guessing he has some UK/Ireland background. And just suddenly, we were talking about how the treatment has affected his life, he broke into tears. I fetched him a box of Kleenex. His wife calmed him down, told him to take a deep breath, and I offered to come back in a few minutes, but I stayed. I couldn't bear leaving him in tears, so I waited. My tears came unbidden, flowing down my cheek and both corners of my lips felt heavy. He regained his composure in a few seconds after, but I hadn't. And I know I should continue talking. But I just couldn't bring myself to talk and I forced myself to. My voice was shaky and I sounded so stupid. I felt hot in both of my cheeks; embarrassed with my own voice. I took a deep breath in and wiped away my tears.
So we went on, I changed to a lighter topic, with tears still pooling in my eyes, which just won't stop producing more tears. I was frustrated with myself, I wondered how the doctors do it.
I hope he will recover soon. I can't talk much about him here, but he's a really nice guy. He ended the conversation saying "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you" and I said no, not at all. We said our goodbyes and I did my work in the chemo suite. As soon as everything was done, I walked out of there, out of the building, out of the hospital.
When I was finally alone, I sat on a bench. And this time, I could cry as much as I want.
So he's a man in his early 60s, sitting there while receiving his chemo treatment. His wife was flipping through a magazine in front of him. I approached him, talked to him, about his cancer and the treatment he is receiving. Before I approached him, I had a read on his note and came to know that he won't be around that long (God knows) but at that point of time, I feel pity for him, but nothing too heavy.
So we talked and talked, he is a lovely man. From the sound of his accent, I'm guessing he has some UK/Ireland background. And just suddenly, we were talking about how the treatment has affected his life, he broke into tears. I fetched him a box of Kleenex. His wife calmed him down, told him to take a deep breath, and I offered to come back in a few minutes, but I stayed. I couldn't bear leaving him in tears, so I waited. My tears came unbidden, flowing down my cheek and both corners of my lips felt heavy. He regained his composure in a few seconds after, but I hadn't. And I know I should continue talking. But I just couldn't bring myself to talk and I forced myself to. My voice was shaky and I sounded so stupid. I felt hot in both of my cheeks; embarrassed with my own voice. I took a deep breath in and wiped away my tears.
So we went on, I changed to a lighter topic, with tears still pooling in my eyes, which just won't stop producing more tears. I was frustrated with myself, I wondered how the doctors do it.
I hope he will recover soon. I can't talk much about him here, but he's a really nice guy. He ended the conversation saying "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you" and I said no, not at all. We said our goodbyes and I did my work in the chemo suite. As soon as everything was done, I walked out of there, out of the building, out of the hospital.
When I was finally alone, I sat on a bench. And this time, I could cry as much as I want.
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